The Word According To Colonia Jesus

Well That Was Fucking Shit

FUCKING flapsucking fuck cunt fuck, you go on a Holy visit to the outer edge of the Galaxy to anoint the primitive races there, and all shit lets loose while you are away. I leave a perfectly functioning Nebula and a thriving business and I come back to see that Triple nippled Tina has had to sell one of her tits to make ends meet. Not only has Covid fucked everything, CIDE, EN and those L’Awfuls SPEARG have just sold the whole community to the fucking Imperials and Feds for a reet good butt fucking.

I should have seen it coming when I left Carcosa and Fuego and his granny kickers were hanging around. Seems that killing yourself in Private group is the new meta for the white knight community. I mean, they are called shitters for a reason, they probably clogged on themselves the thundercunts. Anyway, to cut a shit story short they turned up killed themselves lots, fucked the nebula, blew up Yianni, cried because they all got stuck here, and then suicided back. They left some behind but they have evaporated too. “The saviors of the nebula” lol my fucking spotty arse, more like “The suckers of the Nobula”.



Still, they fucked off and good riddance, not before fucking the whole place up and turning it in to a ghost town first. Did I mention they did most of this shit in Private Group?? That just leaves the Colonia cunting Limpdicks, yes the Galaxy's least successful PvP squad has reformed, most likely to donate their bodies to be blown up as it would have been the logical outcome anyway. The legionnaires stuck to their usual PvP mode of PG and offered up their very best ships to be slaughtered. They undoubtedly are still around. No fucker else will tolerate them. Why oh why do I have to be so fucking forgiving.

All this fuckery aside thing slowly return to normal here, Tina still minus a tit but I only got two hands anyway so I can make the best of that problem, I guess. One good thing is the queen has returned, unlike the Chronicles of Narnia the BushRat is not as nice as the ice queen and has set about overbreeding and filling the systems with her rats, They have fucked, killed or just generally tortured every NPC they could find.





The Bubble grew in population hugely in the middle of November. Burgeoned by the Epic freebie giveaway, it was reported that Galactic Gank Initiative scienced the fuck out of the start zone and proved that seal clubbing is fun for at least one of the participants. The start zone and surrounding systems are now affectionately known as the Galactic Wack A Mole constellation. Like lemmings they were every fucking were, many survived as a result of pure numbers but thousands made the lemming style jump to their doom. The L’awfuls threatened to protect them but as usual they never turned up or just got cuntslapped as usual.



And that brings me to the recent regional events. Lickmyassdeeler have turned ganker, they are not very good mind you and probably struggle to find many targets in their PG. they were resoundingly fucked right out of Centralis last week and that must have hurt, Rolando64 thought he might take it out on one of the lesser prepared members of the ratpac the fucking cunt. After ignoring the Queen and other suitably outfitted members of the squad he chose poor muggle, and that was his mistake. Last seen hi waking to Ogmar and taking the log off express to Private, good job brave Cmdr. Several days and multiple donger rebuys later they surfaced in Ogmar and after a short conversation with the Queen, they apologised, but fuck em. The clitpeelers are dying in the bubble now and the region, their builds are sloppier than a pint of fannybatter. Clearly sick of being dry humped at every conceivable opportunity they said sorry. Fucking sorry, this is the noble group that abandons their faction mates to die, hides in PG when the reaper comes knocking. It will never stop I promise that.




Traffic has slowly increased as the festive season brings many visitors to my congregation, most bring gifts and spend their time at the club. Those that don’t are dunked in the font of fucking rebuy. My birthday is in a few days and I am really pleased that so many people have remembered, although that fat cunt Saint Nick and his saggy red suit has been stealing the limelight for way too fucking long. That twats getting ganked the second he hits my roof I tell ya, I will shove his fucking mince pie and carrot right up his fucking arse. As for Rudolf, he will look shagging awesome on my wall as a trophy. Rudolf came, Rudolf saw, Rudolf ate a fucking dynamite carrot.



Well that's it, my Birthday tomorrow and i got to make space for all those awesome gifts i stole from Santa when i stewed Rudolf. There will be a party at The Church tomorrow evening, i still got some of that communion wine Phisto brewed, smells like donkey shit but packs a wallop like a Pacifier to the midriff of an unengineered type 9.



But a cunt kicking you in the bollocks is not always the worst thing that can happen. I will be out and about tomorrow saying hi to whoever is around, please return the favour. I was gonna give Bino the day off but he has been slacking with Queen Bitch Rat way too much this year so i revoked his holiday so also say hi if you see him, might be advisable if you did actually as he is pretty pissed off.




Lost and Found.


Lost - A whole Federal Fleet stolen from Carcosa by a bunch of fucking hypocritical shortsighted and PG dwelling Cuntards. If anyone wants it back just go kill shit in Carcosa or support the real owners The Nameless.

Lost - Likedeeler Cmdr going by the name Rolando64. Last seen in Ogmar hitting the "get me the fuck out of here" button (aka PG session). If found be quick because he may just disappear in a pile of biowaste.

Lost - One times bodily part good price paid for return of one of a set of three. Speak to Colonia Jesus with the codeword BOOBIES

Lost - any respect we ever had for Likedeeler when they blame their ship build instead of their shit ability to pilot said ship.


Found - Pile of Biowaste in Whirling Station, still steaming when discovered has a faint whiff of LoMaC about it, see Queen Bushrat if you want it back.

Found - Rare elusive breed of cumstained fuckwits, CL76 have been sited in the region. Last seen dying a lot and jacking in their ideals but now reinstated to position of dummy targets.


PARTY INVITATION


I Colonia Jesus request your presence at my socially distanced 3306th birthday party. All the usual games and frolics. Timings are 25th December 00:01 am till we drop.


Activities Include.


Fairground provided by Queen Bushrat with infinite attempts to ride the swing with her. Bring protection, lots of it.


Waka Legionnaire - no weapons required they gonna log anyway.


Pin the tail on a Lickdonger - bring your A game they quick in that relog button


Hide and Seek, the federal fleet has secreted itself away somewhere close by, find it and you get a special surprise. Don't bother looking in Carcosa though.


Music provided by the Choir requests welcomed but do not be upset if they are to pissed remember the fucking words.


Cmdr Head_Case and his vocabulary lectures, Looking for that new insult, something unique, exotic, or just downright filthy come and check him out.






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