The Word According To Colonia Jesus

Happy Fricking Birthday CJ

Holy Shit what a fucking party, I mean it is not every day you are 3305 years old?? It is gonna take me all year to fucking get over this hangover. It is the kind of hangover that would kill a fucking clogger before he got his hands off his keyboard. Fuck knows what happened, but my arse has burns on it and I stink of deep heat, gonna have to hold on for a while before I feel up to taking a crap. I woke up 22000 fricking Lightyears from home and I literally have no clue how the fuck that happened. Urghhh the bubble so far from my heavenly oasis.

I would not mind betting that my old man has something to do with it. The cunt probably thought it would be funny to anally intrude me with a cricket bat covered in ralgex, before fucking me back off to the festering shithole called earth. I mean I kind of deserve it, I guess. The house painted in shit thing kind of annoyed him more than he let on. I mean one minute I am choosing which triple nippled beauty was getting my holy divineness for the night and then bam I was jumped by what seemed to be like the whole cast of the fucking bible. Trussed up and thrown into the ball pit at shooters for a surprise party. It was a double celebration to be honest, in the first instance it was to get me so fucked up in memory of my birthday and also to say a huge Thanks to those Cmdrs that worked tirelessly to bmake G5 Interdictors a reality in Colonia. headed up by our very own Cmdr Brap Man his efforts will surely be put to good use in the coming months and years, cheers Cmdrs for such a special gift.

Booze flowed onionhead rained down like mana from heaven and all my mates were there. I think I caught a glimpse of one of the Lost Souls in there too, still fucking crying like a salty bitch though. Anyway, all I can really remember was beer, blow an elephant and some fleeting glimpses of triple nipple Tina performing her party trick for all to see, how she got all those in her mouth I have no fucking idea. The rest was blank, more blank than Fresse Blutstroms screen after he pulled the cord for yet another clog. And now here I am, 22000 lightyears from home, no money, no ships and no fucking clue what is going on. So I looked up my old buddy Albino. He came and picked me up and took me on a wild ride of death and debauchery in an attempt to sober me up.

Dav’s got my attention first followed by an evening or two in Sothis. I see why Albino bought himself a holiday home down there, fucking idiots in shieldless ships and no fucking armour deserve everything they get. I see he has taken to spreading my own style of gospel with extreme effect. I thought I could gank but fucking hell that Albino is a ganking machine. I almost felt sorry for the poor twats we dunked that day; they had no chance. But why, why is it always those elite cmdrs that clog? Cmdr Sinisterror can you tell me???? You dirty fucking twat.

Right now though we are sat in Hajangai , home of the Lost Souls expedition burning notoriety and sticking two fingers up at Cmdr Avarice and his cronies. All those threats and all those promises of retribution hahahah fucking cuntards. I am the lord of retribution I am COLONIA FUCKING JESUS. I kind of got no idea what is gonna happen next but Bushrats crew are here in the bubble too, strange coincidence that if you cunting well ask me. I am gonna loan a ship off Albino and pop over and have a “chat” once my arse calms down. I may as well do some shit (hurts just thinking about it to be honest) while I am here too, and finally sort out a ride back to the Nebula. So till I do finally get back don’t burn the place down and stay safe my children. And do not forget 364 days till my birthday fuckers so get saving.

No fucking Parish Notices because some cunt posted me to Earth

The use of Frontier Developments graphics and other intellectual property is with the express permission granted to us by Frontier Developments.
The CCN logos are provided courtesy of their creator